Sayonara, 2016

2016 will go down in record as probably the worst I’ve ever experienced. All of the tragic celebrity deaths aside, my life went head over heels topsy turvy in ways I never expected.

I went from having a moderately decent suburban life with a great little family and a wealth of furry critters, to losing it all. I found out that my husband wanted a divorce and we therefore had to sell our home. I had to rehome one of my dogs, and another of them passed away a week ago at the ripe age of 14. I had to sell my horse, which was a devastating blow. I moved to a new townhome with my son, who has been my rock through this whole thing.

It’s easy for me to fall into the “fuck the world, everything sucks” trap, but I’ve never been one to do that. I still have a life to live, and I’ll be damned if I’m spending it mourning what was rather than working toward what I want to happen. I’ve spent a lot of time figuring out my identity post-motherhood, and I’ll admit I’m still in the thick of that, but I have a renewed clarity and motivation now that was hiding before.

In 2017, I have some plans. I’m not going to call them resolutions, and I’m not even going to call them goals. I have things I’m working toward and I will do my best to make strides toward achieving them. But I know that I’m single parenting a toddler, working a full time job, and I’ve been dealt a shitty deck of cards this year and I have a climb out of the rut ahead of me. I’m going to grant myself grace to not achieve everything, because my main job in life is to keep my son thriving, happy, and on a path to becoming a good person.

Having said that, he’s what I’m hoping to spend some time doing & thinking about in 2017:

• Gaming more. It’s been hard to find time for it, but since I’ve been back playing a bit of Skyrim, Overwatch, League, and mobile games, I’m feeling rejuvenated and a little more like “myself”.  I have to remember to make time to do this, because I enjoy it. My biggest hobby (horses) was taken away from me, so I can’t just let myself be hobbyless. Gaming makes me feel good, so it’s gotta become a priority again for me.
• Reading more books. I say this every year, but this year I mean it. I want to try to read (or listen to) a book a week. It’s easy for me to listen to podcasts instead, or skim news articles rather than sit down with a good book. But I have a Goodreads “to read” list a mile long with lots of meaty fantasy, inspiring nonfiction, and a couple of trashy romances thrown in for good measure.
• Less internet. In particular, less smartphone. Considering during 2016 my wrist has been in a cyclical state of healing and reinjuring from repetitive stress from iPhone usage, I have to do something about that. It’s easy for me to fall into a trap of playing on my phone and browsing Facebook while my son is independently playing. But I want to be more present in general.
• Figuring out My Life ™. I have a bunch of loose ends and big ambitions to figure out. I have a great job, but I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I “grow up” (and at 32, I should probably get on that). I want a hobby farm, and I would like to make some real strides toward making that happen. It probably means leaving California, and that’s okay. It might not happen in 2017, and that’s okay too. It might mean crashing in my parent’s attic for a year while I save to make my dreams happen for me and Henry.
• Be more social. One thing that I’ve discovered, is that when you’re in a relationship for 9 years you tend to just rely on the other person for most of your companionship. At least I did. Throw in that most of my friends work in games and moved away over the past few years, and it’s left my existence rather lonely. I don’t have a ton of friends, and the ones I do are mostly text communication buddies at this point. I’d like to make new friendships, but at the very least I just need to flex my social muscles before I get too much out of practice and forget how.
• Healthy eating & exercise habits. I already started this one by losing 22 lbs since October, but instead of making this a “stick to my diet” resolution, I’m going to say that I want to keep up the habits I’ve made. I want to keep steering far clear of sugar, because it has no redeeming qualities aside from taste. I want to get moving around more, hiking and lifting weights again. I want to get better sleep at night.

I’m excited to start the year with a fresh slate. I’ll be officially divorced on January 1st, so I’ll need to figure out that whole name changeback thing. If I do it.